How to Strengthen Your Relationship with Yourself: The STABLE Method
When most people think about relationships, they think about the ones they have with others — their spouse, children, colleagues, or friends. But the truth is, every single one of those relationships is shaped by the one you have with yourself.
If you’re constantly criticizing yourself, pushing past your limits, or ignoring your inner needs, those patterns show up in how you relate to others. The reverse is also true: when your self-relationship is stable, compassionate, and aligned, you show up as a better partner, parent, leader, and friend.
Yet for many professionals and high-achievers, the relationship with the self is the one most often neglected.
Why High-Achievers Struggle with the Self-Relationship
On the outside, everything may look successful. You’ve built a career, earned respect, and achieved goals that once felt out of reach. But inside, you might notice signs of disconnection:
The constant feeling that “it’s never enough.”
Difficulty resting or slowing down without guilt.
Using work, achievement, or caretaking as distractions from deeper feelings.
Repeating unhealthy patterns in relationships.
An inner critic that speaks louder than your inner encourager.
It’s not uncommon for my clients to tell me: “I’ve checked all the boxes. Why do I still feel empty?”
That emptiness isn’t a lack of success — it’s a signal that your relationship with yourself needs attention.
The STABLE Method: A Framework for Inner Growth
I developed the STABLE Method as a leadership model for executives and teams, but its power extends far beyond the workplace. When applied to therapy and personal growth, it becomes a blueprint for strengthening your relationship with yourself.
Here’s how it works:
1. Safety
Creating psychological safety inside yourself means learning to face your thoughts and emotions without judgment. Many high-achievers push past fear or discomfort by staying busy, but true growth starts when you feel safe enough to slow down and sit with what’s real.
Example: A client once told me he couldn’t even admit to himself how unhappy he was in his marriage — he was afraid it would mean he had failed. By creating safety in therapy, he was able to face the truth with compassion instead of self-condemnation.
2. Transparency
Transparency with yourself means getting honest about your patterns, feelings, and needs. It’s removing the mask of “I’m fine” and allowing yourself to acknowledge what isn’t working.
Example: A high-performing entrepreneur realized she was working 80-hour weeks not because she had to, but because she was terrified of sitting in silence with her own thoughts. That level of honesty became the turning point for change.
3. Accountability
Accountability isn’t about blame — it’s about ownership. It’s saying, “This is the part I play in my unhappiness, and here’s what I can do differently.”
Example: A client stuck in burnout realized he wasn’t a victim of his job; he was a participant in overcommitting and not setting boundaries. Once he owned that, change became possible.
4. Boundaries
Boundaries are how we protect our time, energy, and well-being. Without them, resentment builds, exhaustion sets in, and relationships suffer. Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re clarity about what is and isn’t sustainable for you.
Example: One parent I worked with learned to say “no” to work emails after 7 p.m. That single shift transformed her evenings from stress-filled to family-centered.
5. Legacy
We all carry patterns from our families, cultures, and past experiences. Legacy work is about identifying which of those patterns serve you — and which ones you want to release.
Example: A client grew up in a home where achievement was the only way to get love. Decades later, he realized he was still chasing approval through success. Breaking that pattern freed him to define success on his own terms.
6. Existential Fulfillment
This is the capstone: aligning your daily life with a deeper sense of meaning and purpose. It’s where achievement stops being about checking boxes and starts being about building a life that feels whole.
Example: A corporate leader realized she didn’t actually care about climbing higher on the ladder — she wanted to mentor the next generation. Shifting toward purpose gave her a joy that accolades never had.
What Changes When You Strengthen Your Self-Relationship
When clients apply the STABLE framework, the transformation is noticeable:
They stop performing for everyone else and start living for themselves.
Their decisions feel clearer and more aligned.
They set boundaries without guilt, which reduces conflict at home and work.
They show up in relationships as calmer, more present, and more authentic.
Most importantly, they stop running from themselves — and start feeling comfortable in their own skin.
A Story of Transformation
One of my clients — let’s call him Daniel* — came to me exhausted. On paper, he had everything: a successful career, financial stability, and a family. But internally, he was unraveling. He felt guilty at home, restless at work, and disconnected from his own sense of purpose.
Together, we worked through the STABLE framework. For the first time, Daniel gave himself safety to admit he wasn’t happy. He practiced transparency, uncovering the ways he was performing instead of living authentically. He took accountability for his patterns of overwork and learned to set boundaries that allowed him to be present at home. We explored his legacy, recognizing how much of his drive came from needing to prove himself to a critical parent. Finally, he discovered a deeper sense of existential fulfillment by redefining what success meant on his terms.
The result wasn’t perfection — life still had ups and downs — but it was steadiness. For the first time in years, Daniel described feeling “like myself again.”
(*Name and details changed for privacy.)
Why Therapy Helps
Doing this work alone is difficult. Your inner critic, old patterns, and external pressures can pull you back into familiar cycles. Therapy gives you the structure, tools, and accountability to make lasting change. It creates a safe, confidential space where you can practice honesty, set new boundaries, and align your life with your deeper purpose.
Take the Next Step
If you’re ready to strengthen your relationship with yourself and stop repeating the same patterns, I invite you to schedule a private consultation. Together, we’ll use the STABLE Method to help you build clarity, resilience, and fulfillment — from the inside out.
Want to take the leap and book a session or consultation? Check out our landing page for Individual Therapy. Or maybe you are looking for Couples therapy?